I feel like I stepped into the bad plot of a book. Here is what 2023 did to me before it ended:
Less than a week before Christmas, my job told me they were firing me, intending to end my work contract in January (I convinced them to extend it till February, because they have NO IDEA how much know-how I’ve gathered over the twenty years I’ve worked there), and this after I had a breakdown where I burst into angry tears at my superior (that was NOT the reason for them letting me go; it just so happened to precede it because I’m obvs at the end of my tether, burned out, and blah-blah-blah–whatever!).
I’m pissed AF at this, but what can I do? Again, whatever. So I put my head down and keep working as usual. But I started feeling overworked, tired, and sick a few days later. By Thursday I’m sure I’ve got the flu; I feel like utter shit. On Friday, I’m trying to push myself to finish something they want tested. By noon, I’m woozy and can’t get myself to eat or drink much cuz everything makes me feel nasty, but am like: “I need flu meds. I need to eat something.” I beg off leave from work, having to leave it unfinished, and I head out to go feed a friend’s cat (which she was paying me to do twice a day), with the promise to get foodz and medz on the way home.
HOWEVER! In the tram on the way there, the ticket-control people checked everyone’s tickets. I hand them my pass, and when they hand it back, I’m like, “Eh, I don’t feel so good.” Then I have trouble putting the pass back in my pocket, fumbling and oddly lethargic. I try to force myself to focus on the iPad, but I’m starting to feel like the world is a bit off-kilter. My whole body feels untethered from the earth, and my legs aren’t quite holding me up.
I’m thinking, “Oh, shit, how can I last the next few stops?”
Then, it’s EXACTLY as they depict in the movies. I knew nothing more until I heard voices, at first indistinctly, and my eyes were shut, and then, very clearly, someone was saying in Czech: “She speaks English.”
Somehow, I knew she was talking about me, so I mumbled, “I speak Czech, too.” And I finally pred open my eyes while trying to sit up and disoriented AF.
“No!” said a woman kneeling beside me. “Stay lying down. You fainted. We called the ambulance and it’s on its way.”
Me, still dull and lethargic: “I’m fine. I can get up.”
“No! Stay lying down.”
I kept trying to get up, but honestly, lying down on the tram floor never felt so good. Trying to get up was making me feel dizzy again, so eventually I put my head down and I’m like WTF just happened? Like obvs I just fainted, but it was kind of a relief, you know? Although who the freak knew what was on that tram floor, I was like this feels so good!
The ambulance arrived, and I was so wobbly and weak I needed help getting down the tram steps and into the ambulance. The female paramedic took my blood pressure and it was way low. She said this accusingly as if it was somehow my fault and I could explain it. None of the numbers showing on the screen was over 100. “97/68” were the highest numbers on there. I was thinking: “That’s… really low.”
The male paramedic asked if I was drinking alcohol.
Nope.
Anyway, I got put on an IV at the hospital and they did a crap-ton of blood tests, a urine test, COVID (negative), blood pressure, EKG, etc. etc. with the final result that everything was FINE. Except the blood showed I had a virus (obvs), and I apparently was dehydrated AF and my body was like: nope.
Yeah.
But it was the oddest experience, fainting in that tram. Three days after being officially told I’m being let go. I was like WHAT IS GOING ON? The only thing that was missing for that week to be a legit book-style experience was meeting a cute dude somewhere in there but, alas, it didn’t happen. (Which was fine, because I felt like UTTER CRAP for like 2 weeks! That was like the most monstrous flu I’ve ever had! To be fair, I only had it once before so a small pool for comparison, but still.)
HOWEVER! Y’all, regarding work, at first I was angry and punched in the gut. Then I thought of the quote by Jim Carrey about his father being fired from his dayjob of 20 or 30 years (as I was–I’ve worked there since 2003–how insane is it to lose that kind of job!?); he said that you can fail at what you hate, too, so go after what you love. And so I’ve made the… insane… decision to NOT look for another dayjob. Now some of you know that I live alone with my super-cat in a country half a world away from all my family, so there is NO fallback if I can’t pay my own bills. I can’t just move home if I fail, and my anxiety is (for now) not letting me think of things like disability or unemployment, so I am officially going to go crazy trying to sell my books. BTW, IF YOU EVER WANTED TO BUY MY SHIT, NOW IS THE TIME! Lol. I feel insane but in the best way. I feel like this is RIGHT. I’ve been going mad juggling the job and editing and making posts and vids for social media. I’m like super-manic but it’s good!
If you wanna help, I would LOVE to know which videos / images you like most. Like I am serious! I am not sure what types I should continue doing to appeal to peeps.
I made a vid, too, but it’s only on tikTok here (LOL that music tho).
OK, so I put it on youtube, too, with different music 😀
I did a vid for this one, too!
I did a vid for this one, too, (I’m addicted to that one image hahahahahaha):
And here are all the new vids I’ve done since my last post! I am trying to do different types of things, but have no idea which appeal most to people (hence being grateful if anyone wants to tell me the ones that are their faves!).
Similar to the above but longer! –>
And this one I’m embarrassed to have made. It’s like the MOST GENERIC, BORING thing ever!
Alrighty! Thank you for reading my crazed rambles here. I seriously hope you are all doing OK out there!
Thrice the Shadow. [nope, still no idea what that means]
All the love to you all 🙂 If you’re feeling generous, you can ‘buy me a coffee’ via buy me a coffee, or to support me regularly via the patreon I’ve been seriously neglecting (but want to resume)!
When I was twenty-two, I ran away to Prague, where I now sing to my black cat (who collects dustballs in her whiskers), eat chocolate for breakfast, and have lemon tarts every Thursday.
Sonya Lano 
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤