Okay, this is going to be a strange entry because there are two things I want to tell, and the first one is going to be a tirade upon an innocent quote that wasn’t doing anything else but existing, and the second is going to be a little story that will hopefully make you smile at least a bit.
So, first off, I want to say that I DON’T agree with the “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”. I used to say it was true and I firmly believed it, but I no longer do and I’ll tell you why: it comes down to the fact that you can’t miss what you never had. And the thing is, once you’ve had it and then you lose it, it’s sheer torment. Yes, you have memories. Perfect memories, beautiful memories, memories of unparalleled joy… but these are also memories that you can no longer touch, memories that remain in your mind, constant reminders of what you will never have again, never touch again, never hold again, never experience the sweetness of again. They hover, invasive, refusing to be banished, refusing to be forgotten, refusing to have mercy. They cling, bittersweet, teasing, taunting, tormenting, haunting…
Well, now, who needs that? If you’ve never loved at all, you have none of those memories to torment you with what you will never taste again…
Although I will say that because of this I’ve discovered that I have a telepathic mom. Every time I’ve started breaking down the past few weeks, she’s called. Do you know how hard it is to break down when your phone is ringing and you have to say, “Hold that thought, tears and depression and despair, I’ll be right back.” But really, three times. How cool is that?
Okay, so with that crap all out of my system (that is, the love lost crap, not the telepathic mom crap – that part isn’t crap; that part’s kinda awesome), I’m now going to tell you a fairy tale:
It begins on the fourth floor of a yellow apartment building in the heart of Prague (okay, so more on the periphery of the heart of Prague – or on the periphery of the periphery of the heart of Prague, or on the periphery of the periphery of the periphery of the heart of– but that hardly sounds poetic, does it, so whatever.) Inside this building, poor little Sonya was hunched over her computer all night long working – no, not working, slaving. Slaving away and away and away under the wicked whips of some terrifyingly dreadful documents. These are the true villains of the story, the evil taskmasters, the…PDFs! And as she slaved over them, she was listening to her favorite radio station (Radio City) so she could survive the night transferring the mad, nasty, horrifying PDFs into Word…
Okay, so I’m finished with referring to myself in the third person; it’s getting annoying. So there I was, hunched over the computer like a mad scientist recluse incurable introvert writer whatever and listening to the radio and working and everything was going well (as well as it could with little evil PDFs lurking around being villainous). Then sometime towards morning the radio played this one song and I said to myself ‘That’s a good song’…
And then a couple hours later it was still in my head and I was saying ‘Holy crap! That is a really, REALLY AWESOME song!’
Yes, yes, the obsession had escalated, the desperation had sunk its nefarious hooks into my core and the song did not intend to release me from its hold at any cost. I must find it again, I must, I must… (said the small crazy voice at the back of my mind)
Only what the heck were they singing? It had been in Slovakian, I did know that, but try hard as I might I could only remember vague not-quite-words and the melody. That melody wasn’t letting up at all.
And so it continued until around 8am. I’d been up 24 hours by this time and was starting to be a bit sleep deprived and so in a mad effort to find the song, I started looking up all the Slovakian music groups that existed and all their songs and I realized about 30 seconds into that futile endeavour that it was sheer insanity – and then VIOLA! My sleep-deprived mind had a stroke of brilliance. Check Radio City’s website.
So I did…
Only to find they only list songs there from certain hours that they play.
Okay, so next step: contact them. Sleep-deprived me seemed to find this a good idea – I was desperate for the song, after all, and they did have the power in their hands to give it to me if the benevolent authorities so willed – and so I wrote them asking if they could send a list of the songs they’d played between 1 and 9am, because like the dork I was (er…am?) I couldn’t even remember what time they’d played the song.
So, the benevolent authorities did so will and Lukas from the radio station sent me the list and at the same time asked if I’d tell him why I wanted it – if for example it was my first night spent with a new love, or if I always wrote down the songs that I had my first kiss to…
Well, I can tell you that that gave me a good laugh, and I was chuckling as I set about looking up all the Slovakian-looking songs on the list in order to find which one had been haunting me so fiercely.
And yes! Success! Bliss! Euphoria! Tetrahexametadiamminobiacetyl! (evil PDFs have scrambled my mind! But still I rejoice!) I found it! So awesome. And I still loved it. And so I looked up the group to see what other songs they sang, and I loved them all, as well! And so I looked up when they were having a concert in Prague – and can you believe it, May 29th! AND it’s their final tour, so it’s my last chance ever to see them. So I got tickets and it’s a total happy ending, right?
Anyway, yes, it IS a happy ending, don’t argue with me. So after having my happy ending I decided to write Lukas (if you have a super short memory, this is the benevolent authority from the radio station who sent me the list) and I told him that (sigh, alas, woe is me) if only the reason I wanted the list was as romantic as blossoming love! But unfortunately I just signed divorce papers Friday and so there was no kissy-kissy hanky-panky smoochy-smoochy Monday. And then I told him the happy story of my love affair with the unknown Slovakian song, which I suppose in a way is also a tale of blossoming love, and I also told him how I’d gotten my happy ending with the concert.
Well, Lukas wrote back for me to stay strong, that there are lots of guys in the world and for me to listen to the radio Monday 9-12 because he’s going to mention me.
Well now, that was utterly unexpected and even though I’m quite ecstatic because I’m going to be mentioned on the radio I’m also quite embarrassed and honestly I can’t even believe I wrote to them in the first place! I can only cite sleep deprivation as the culprit since I hadn’t slept in over 24 hours. Sleep deprivation and the evil PDF files that sapped my good sense away little by little, bit by bit, hour by hour through the long course of the night. But now the song has triumphed and exiled those poor villains into oblivion! Fie, avast, har har!
Anyway, so that’s my fairy tale story. PDFs defeated, transferred into Word for good. The beloved song found, link saved for the future! Concert tickets tucked in bag, ready to be wielded when the time comes…
And here is the song that made this uber-duper-super-happy ending possible: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUp71Q_I13Y
And just because I like it, here is another hex code quote for you to decipher: 49 66 20 79 6f 75 27 72 65 20 67 6f 69 6e 67 20 74 6f 20 77 61 6c 6b 20 6f 6e 20 74 68 69 6e 20 69 63 65 2c 20 79 6f 75 20 6d 61 79 20 61 73 20 77 65 6c 6c 20 64 61 6e 63 65 2e
So…shall we dance? 🙂
You never cease to entertain me, girl. Wish you weren’t depressed and had no need for a telepathic mom (though that is pretty cool). I wish I could give you a hug, imagine with you, and just be whatever you need. Miss you. And LYLAS!!!!
Thanks, girl 🙂 Yeah, Telepathic Mom seems to be getting better as the years go by! I’m mostly doing okay. I’ll be fine, then not, then fine again, then not, like a seesaw…or a madwoman 😀
I love your blogging style – most entertaining. Good luck climbing out of your funk – at least you’ve got writing! It is a wonderful skill to have.
Thank you! I’m trying but I think it’ll just take time. I’ve been here before and survived so I can do it again 🙂 thanks for reading, btw!
Oh, and I can see why you would dig that song – I have a soft spot for waltzes, too.
I walked on thin ice once, then felt pretty stupid afterwards when I fell through! 😉 Well, I should say my brother and I…
This was one of the most easy-to-read and fun things I’ve read in a long while! I do feel very sorry for you, working through the night like that, those PDF’s…that just can’t be fun.
But don’t worry, love will find you and everything is going to be wonderful!!
By the way the hex code thing is just fun! I’ve got a converter saved under my bookmarks just for you! 🙂
Whoa, don’t walk on thin ice like that – dance! (Just kidding, of course 🙂 ) I like the hex code thing, too, though I’m going to have to go find more good quotes.. I’m glad you found the blog fun to read – was fun to write too… Don’t feel sorry for me, I’m going to be mentioned on the radio! 😉
Yeah, that must be an incredible feeling – though I can see feeling embarrassed about it! Just enjoy the moment, I say! 🙂
What a wonderful story! Music is definitely something that helps define us, comfort us, energize us, and help convey every emotion inside of us.
And who knows, perhaps with tim e you will that quote differently again and understand it on a different level, but that time is not yet. First comes all the stages before that can ever happen, and I don’t envy you’re position, but Iwish you VHHD
What’s VHHD? I know it’s something I’ll kick myself for not knowing after you say, but I still can’t figure it out… Aaargh! 🙂
I understand that the quote is more saying it’s better to have ‘lived’ at least once than never to have really ‘lived’ at all and in that respect I know it’s true and I’d rather have experienced all that I have than not have experienced anything at all, but sometimes when the pain gets too great, it does seem like the safe path is the better one.
Well now, that just means I’ll have to work harder on not dwelling! And whenever the memories rise up, turn my thoughts to something else. Though I think a good cry is necessary sometimes to relieve the tension, so every now and then I embrace my pain so I can get the suffering out.
VHHD means…. very happy, uh…. actually i have no clue what it means. So my own little story: one night a girl was sleeping over at a friend’s house, and that friend had gone to sleep so the girl checked her email on her phone and saw that her writer friend in Prague had a new blog post, so she read, liked, and tried to comment… You’re right, writing in third person is rather annoying. So, I was writing my comment when my phone kinda messed up, and I was unable to get back into the comment writing box to finish my comment. Then the phone said it was sending the comment, and I tried to stop it because I wasn’t done yet, then gave up and went to sleep. To be honest, I had no clue that the comment had indeed actually sent, but apparently it did. Now to finish that comment: But I wish you God’s strength in getting through this difficult time.
I reckon VHHD should mean, very happy happy days 🙂
And here I thought maybe you were referring to those voracious hungry hippy dogs… 😛
Amazing story, Sonya. You may not like it but I think lost love may’ve made you an even better writer. Have fun at the concert! 🙂
Thanks, Hunter, I’m planning on it! Haven’t been to many concerts in my life and never quite looked forward to one as much as I’m looking forward to this one. Btw Fatelink looks like it’s really taking off. I really am proud of how far you’ve come!
Awww thank you so much. Let’s take off together! 🙂
Great writing, thoroughly entertaining and so easy to relate to. Keep it up, Sonya – I am going to listen to this amazing tune now. Goo dluck with everything xx
Thanks! I’m glad it’s easy to relate to and I hope you liked the tune 🙂
Ja jsem netusila, ze Team jeste hraje…Moje nejoblibenejsi byla asi “Je to vo hvezdach”. Tak a ted tu pisnicku z hlavy nedostanu :-))) Uzij si koncert a Stay strong!
LOOOOOL Libo musis se na to podivat! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XerIGy7GAbk
Oh wow, that is an awesome song. Remember, if you ever feel like jumping on a plane and coming to Adelaide, just tell me when your flight gets in and I’ll make up the spare bed 🙂