Okay, this is going to be a strange entry because there are two things I want to tell, and the first one is going to be a tirade upon an innocent quote that wasn’t doing anything else but existing, and the second is going to be a little story that will hopefully make you smile at least a bit.
So, first off, I want to say that I DON’T agree with the “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”. I used to say it was true and I firmly believed it, but I no longer do and I’ll tell you why: it comes down to the fact that you can’t miss what you never had. And the thing is, once you’ve had it and then you lose it, it’s sheer torment. Yes, you have memories. Perfect memories, beautiful memories, memories of unparalleled joy… but these are also memories that you can no longer touch, memories that remain in your mind, constant reminders of what you will never have again, never touch again, never hold again, never experience the sweetness of again. They hover, invasive, refusing to be banished, refusing to be forgotten, refusing to have mercy. They cling, bittersweet, teasing, taunting, tormenting, haunting…
Well, now, who needs that? If you’ve never loved at all, you have none of those memories to torment you with what you will never taste again…
Although I will say that because of this I’ve discovered that I have a telepathic mom. Every time I’ve started breaking down the past few weeks, she’s called. Do you know how hard it is to break down when your phone is ringing and you have to say, “Hold that thought, tears and depression and despair, I’ll be right back.” But really, three times. How cool is that?
Okay, so with that crap all out of my system (that is, the love lost crap, not the telepathic mom crap – that part isn’t crap; that part’s kinda awesome), I’m now going to tell you a fairy tale:
It begins on the fourth floor of a yellow apartment building in the heart of Prague (okay, so more on the periphery of the heart of Prague – or on the periphery of the periphery of the heart of Prague, or on the periphery of the periphery of the periphery of the heart of– but that hardly sounds poetic, does it, so whatever.) Inside this building, poor little Sonya was hunched over her computer all night long working – no, not working, slaving. Slaving away and away and away under the wicked whips of some terrifyingly dreadful documents. These are the true villains of the story, the evil taskmasters, the…PDFs! And as she slaved over them, she was listening to her favorite radio station (Radio City) so she could survive the night transferring the mad, nasty, horrifying PDFs into Word…
Okay, so I’m finished with referring to myself in the third person; it’s getting annoying. So there I was, hunched over the computer like a mad scientist recluse incurable introvert writer whatever and listening to the radio and working and everything was going well (as well as it could with little evil PDFs lurking around being villainous). Then sometime towards morning the radio played this one song and I said to myself ‘That’s a good song’…
And then a couple hours later it was still in my head and I was saying ‘Holy crap! That is a really, REALLY AWESOME song!’
Yes, yes, the obsession had escalated, the desperation had sunk its nefarious hooks into my core and the song did not intend to release me from its hold at any cost. I must find it again, I must, I must… (said the small crazy voice at the back of my mind)
Only what the heck were they singing? It had been in Slovakian, I did know that, but try hard as I might I could only remember vague not-quite-words and the melody. That melody wasn’t letting up at all.
And so it continued until around 8am. I’d been up 24 hours by this time and was starting to be a bit sleep deprived and so in a mad effort to find the song, I started looking up all the Slovakian music groups that existed and all their songs and I realized about 30 seconds into that futile endeavour that it was sheer insanity – and then VIOLA! My sleep-deprived mind had a stroke of brilliance. Check Radio City’s website.
So I did…
Only to find they only list songs there from certain hours that they play.
Okay, so next step: contact them. Sleep-deprived me seemed to find this a good idea – I was desperate for the song, after all, and they did have the power in their hands to give it to me if the benevolent authorities so willed – and so I wrote them asking if they could send a list of the songs they’d played between 1 and 9am, because like the dork I was (er…am?) I couldn’t even remember what time they’d played the song.
So, the benevolent authorities did so will and Lukas from the radio station sent me the list and at the same time asked if I’d tell him why I wanted it – if for example it was my first night spent with a new love, or if I always wrote down the songs that I had my first kiss to…
Well, I can tell you that that gave me a good laugh, and I was chuckling as I set about looking up all the Slovakian-looking songs on the list in order to find which one had been haunting me so fiercely.
And yes! Success! Bliss! Euphoria! Tetrahexametadiamminobiacetyl! (evil PDFs have scrambled my mind! But still I rejoice!) I found it! So awesome. And I still loved it. And so I looked up the group to see what other songs they sang, and I loved them all, as well! And so I looked up when they were having a concert in Prague – and can you believe it, May 29th! AND it’s their final tour, so it’s my last chance ever to see them. So I got tickets and it’s a total happy ending, right?
Anyway, yes, it IS a happy ending, don’t argue with me. So after having my happy ending I decided to write Lukas (if you have a super short memory, this is the benevolent authority from the radio station who sent me the list) and I told him that (sigh, alas, woe is me) if only the reason I wanted the list was as romantic as blossoming love! But unfortunately I just signed divorce papers Friday and so there was no kissy-kissy hanky-panky smoochy-smoochy Monday. And then I told him the happy story of my love affair with the unknown Slovakian song, which I suppose in a way is also a tale of blossoming love, and I also told him how I’d gotten my happy ending with the concert.
Well, Lukas wrote back for me to stay strong, that there are lots of guys in the world and for me to listen to the radio Monday 9-12 because he’s going to mention me.
Well now, that was utterly unexpected and even though I’m quite ecstatic because I’m going to be mentioned on the radio I’m also quite embarrassed and honestly I can’t even believe I wrote to them in the first place! I can only cite sleep deprivation as the culprit since I hadn’t slept in over 24 hours. Sleep deprivation and the evil PDF files that sapped my good sense away little by little, bit by bit, hour by hour through the long course of the night. But now the song has triumphed and exiled those poor villains into oblivion! Fie, avast, har har!
Anyway, so that’s my fairy tale story. PDFs defeated, transferred into Word for good. The beloved song found, link saved for the future! Concert tickets tucked in bag, ready to be wielded when the time comes…
And here is the song that made this uber-duper-super-happy ending possible: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUp71Q_I13Y
And just because I like it, here is another hex code quote for you to decipher: 49 66 20 79 6f 75 27 72 65 20 67 6f 69 6e 67 20 74 6f 20 77 61 6c 6b 20 6f 6e 20 74 68 69 6e 20 69 63 65 2c 20 79 6f 75 20 6d 61 79 20 61 73 20 77 65 6c 6c 20 64 61 6e 63 65 2e
So…shall we dance? 🙂