Orc Books, the Neighbor’s Footstool, and Other Disasters

Prague disaster here, y’all. Zulejka (my cat) is judging the pandemonium of my life from her perch on the heater as the chaotic tatters spiral to the floor.

Here is my life this past week, taken from chats – but first, some context: I have been desperately trying to finish an orc romance whilst juggling a fantastical gothic romance anthology, dealing with bugs in book-cover design sites, getting chastised at work and grumping back, and in the midst of all that, wrestling with the anxiety monster constantly in my head. I might one day start screaming and never stop, but that’s beside the point.

Jan 27, 2023:

Me: In my dream last night I was in a bar with my ex-husband and he was a f*cking ORC. He was green with tusks

Me: the whole city was orc-mad and every bar had people dressed like orcs

Me: Ex-hubby and I left one bar and went into another where there were other orcs.

Me: I’m not sure if he was dressed up or a real orc. I think he was just dressed up tho

Me: I’m like well, I guess I got orc on the brain

… later…

Friend [about something I wrote someone]: You are sheer brilliance, for serious.

Me: lol what about that is brilliant?

Me: I’m like aaah how do I communicate?

…later…

Friend: I see words written out in my head when i think for example?

Me: some peopl;e don’t have a voice i their head

Me: I can’t imagine voices not being in my head

[also I am sure that semi-colon in there means something, so it’s staying 😛 along with the typo ‘i’ instead of ‘in’ cuz I’m lazy in chats!]

…later…

Me: I kinda find these guys sexy

[picture I was talking about:]

Me: I’m also arguing with my boss telling him I don’t wanna work today

Me: he wants me to finish something

Me: I’m like I don’t wanna

Me: I worked earlier

Me: Why can’t he be satisfied with that?

Me: noo, he’s like “But OTHER BOSS DUDE wants it by today

Me: me: “OTHER BOSS DUDE is not even working how much you wanna bet”

Me: I will probably end up trying to do what he wants anywya, but I must be a pain in the ass first.

Chat #2 – Feb 11, 2023:

Me: Also random fun fact: I vacuumed my laptop keyboard to get rid of dust and it sucked down another key (the R key was victimized this time). So now my V and R keys are both loose. In the wild. In their places are white nubs. The nubs work as well as the keys. Good nubs. Nice nubs. We like the nubs because the nubs are better-attached and not prone to being sucked up by vacuum cleaners.

Chat #3 – Feb 12, 2023:

Oh! While running last night I passed a young man standing on the sidewalk. He was laughing and chatting away to some young woman who was unseen in the dark alcove of trees, and I heard the tinkle of her peeing while he kept making her laugh. I had no idea what he was saying, but I was like: Imma add a scene in some book where someone makes the heroine unwillingly laugh while she’s just trying to pee, for heaven’s sake 🙂

…later…

Also, more drama: the neighbor’s footstool has vanished.

He poked his head out his door and caught me while I was headed out the door yesterday, late for catching my tram, and he asked if I knew what had happened to it.

Me, thinking: No, I did not steal your footstool in petty retaliation even though you were LITERALLY HAMMERING ON THE WALL AT 7AM the other day and then growled at me in the hallway for good measure.

It probably got chucked into the storage room in our shared entryway by the building janitor. So the neighbor will call the building manager, who will determine the truth from the building janitor, who (we hope) will restore the footstool.

Thus far, the footstool is still conspicuously absent from the entryway. Either it has not been returned to its rightful place, or it has been spirited into my neighbor’s flat to prevent any future purloining.

(At least he was fully dressed when confronting me about the footstool.)

…later…

Add to that I have neighbor who smokes out his window. Apparently I had mine open at the same time one time, and Zulejka was on the sill and he was talking to her. I was coming back from the bathroom and heard, “Here, kitty, kitty!” (in soft, alluring Czech) and am like WHO THE EFF IS IN MY FLAT? And then I hear an exclamation: “No, kitty, don’t really jump!” and realized someone must be luring her from their own window.

(No, Zulejka was NOT about to jump; she is smarter than to trust strangers puffing smoke out of their mouths; also, he was just calling to her thinking it was funny, not really trying to lure her, because when he seemed to think she was really going to jump, his tone changed to like WHOA, WAIT, NO, it’s dangerous!)

I think this is the guy I’ve run into a few times in the hall (and one time he asked me out to coffee with him and I’m like noooo because introvert 😀 but I wasn’t AGAINST it, just not in the mood THEN)

I wonder if he’s ever seen me at night opening my fridge while in my panties. He has a perfect view of it and the fridge lights up nicely, and I’m not one to think about who’s watching.

Oh, well.

Moving on.

---

That is what has been happening that’s gotten documented.

One other thing that didn’t get documented is the fairy lantern in the park.

I run past this drained basin / well in the center of this park, and a few nights ago, some jar was lit up inside by some sort of light and set above a stone channel / cave / pipe into the earth where I guess water is supposed to flow in or out. I kept thinking a person was sitting there holding a lantern, but having read way too many fairy tales, no way was I going to venture close.

Last night, when the opening was dark, I tiptoed up and found only an unlit jar.

Maybe the lit jar was a fairy trap? Ha!

I looked up legends about the park and supposedly water from this park used to be pumped through pipes to Vyšehrad, where it filled the bath in which Princess Libuše bathed with her companions. Based on another rumor, assemblies were supposedly held on the park’s hill near a stone chair on which Prince Přemysl was enthroned (this chair later being transferred to Prague Castle).

Which means the park once produced water for a princess’s bath and stone for a prince’s throne.

Everything in Prague is magical, even the park I run through.

Probably why I love fairytale things like orcs and goblins and golems and queens and wigs (*cough* refer to pic of dudes above…). I even put the fairy jar into the book itself:

He lounged on a canopied bed, where grotesques engraved in the ebony headboard held sovereign over tasseled scarlet pillows and inky silks.
From the canopy’s frame dangled jars on golden chains, their bellies luminous with candles that garnished everything in their sphere with trims of gold.
Including his blue skin, which shimmered cerulean in the lambent glow.
He licked his gaze across Altheira and flourished a graceful hand, his black fingernails glossy in the radiance. “Come join me here, Princess, where I’ve magically enhanced the air to warm my human lover’s vulnerable, sensitive flesh…”

Ha! This orc book, y’all… it’s like MY LIFE right now.

It should be out around this week or next – eep! Here’s an excerpt (not the beginning, but toward it!) if you’re curious.

Everyone be kind this week! I hope this finds you in good spirits with things treating you well.