So, the book launch is tomorrow, and the books finally got here!
But they almost didn’t.
In time, I mean.
Because this morning my twenty copies of Heiress of Magic (the book the launch is for) were still in customs (and had been there since Wednesday). But they finally got out and I was like Yes!
But DHL was like, No.
They wouldn’t get them to me until Monday.
And I was like, But I need it today and can I pick it up?
And they said sure.
Come pick it up.
And I’m like… Klecany?
And the lady’s like… Klecany.
And I’m like… Where the heck is Klecany?
And she’s like… Prague East.
And I’m like… Klecany? hoping for a different answer.
And she’s like… Klecany.
And I’m like… Klecany? still hoping.
But she’s onto me now and my little manipulation and refuses to even respond.
So I look up Klecany and by tram and bus I would get there in 25mins, and according to the map the bus stops right in front of DHL, so I’m like, Cool, I’ll come pick it up.
Only… on the map DHL is in the boondocks near a street called Parkerova.
And the bus spat me out in the middle of Klecany.
And the first man I asked where ‘Parkerova’ street or DHL was said, “I don’t live here.”
And the second one was an old man who said, “Young lady, I’ve lived here my whole life and I don’t know of any Parkerova or DHL.”
And the third said, “Whoooo! You’re far away! You’re on the complete opposite side of the village you need to be on. Go that way, straight until you don’t see any buildings around you.”
And so I start walking, but the street is winding and branches off and I’m like… what’s the Czech definition of straight?
So I ask this woman with a baby carriage hiding in the closed post office if I’m on the right track and she’s like, I don’t know of any Parkerova or DHL.
And so I’m walking.
And walking, and I ask a pregnant woman if I’m on the right track and she’s like, I don’t know of any Parkerova or DHL.
And so I keep walking and I see these guys at this logistics place and I ask them and they say, “Whoooo! You’re far away! Keep walking straight two to three kilometers and there’ll be a yellow building.” And they laugh.
And they keep laughing as I walk away and I’m sure they’ve given me wrong directions.
And then I’m not in Klecany anymore. And I’m like… Toto, we’re not in Klecany anymore. And Toto’s like, “I bless the rains down in Africa.”
But still I go on, and I huff, and I puff, and I sweat along the grassy edge of the highway for like two kilometers hoping the huge trucks barreling past don’t run me over or clip me and send me catapulting into the greenery.
And then, voila! I see the yellow paradise of DHL before me!
And I arrive and this big-muscled guy lets me in this cage door and the receptionist guy gives me a 17 kilogram / 37 pound package.
And that’s where God really had pity on me, because after I got my package and the DHL receptionist was looking up the bus for me, the guy waiting there to send his package overheard and said he’d take me to Prague by car because he was driving back anyway – and he DROPPED ME RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY WORK PLACE!
And as I staggered to the door under a box probably 1/4th my body weight, I wished I’d gotten his whole name so I could somehow return the favor, but it’ll have to suffice that:
Vladimir from the Ukraine, wherever you are, you rock!
Totally and utterly and without any doubt in any bit of my mind.
Because, ladies and gentlemen, here it is! Front and back!