Seriously?

Anyone wanting a peek into an almost phobic mind fraught with anxiety, here are things my anxiety legit gets afraid of:

Anxiety: There’s a speck of vindictive dust on the stove that hates you.

Me: Dust isn’t vindictive.

Anxiety: This one is, like a cowboy in a Western. It’s going to jump half a foot and increase 500 times in size and turn on the stove the instant you leave.

Me: No, it won’t. *brushes vindictive cowboy dust speck off stove just to be sure*

Anxiety: Yay. You have triumphed… for now.

Me: *putting on freshly laundered underwear*

Anxiety: HALT EVERYTHING! Take it off. Now WHAT are those five dots?

Me: They’re just fuzz. Lint or something.

Anxiety: WHY ARE THEY IN THE SHAPE OF STONEHENGE???

Me: *running in the park and there’s this guy lying on his stomach in the grass all by himself, doing nothing else, only occasionally wiggling and pressing his fingers (positioned under his chin) into the dirt*

Anxiety *after a few rounds of me running past this dude*: He’s breathing out toxic fumes into the air, and the next time you run past him, his poison fumes are going to get you.

Me: *just to be safe, alters my running path for the last two laps*

Anxiety: Yay. But these symptoms you have…

Me: *looks symptoms up*

Internet: I got nothing about those, man.

Let me repeat that:

The ENTIRE internet: I got nothin’. You’re reachin’ here.

Anxiety: But–

Internet: You’re drunk, Anxiety. You’re talkin’ about Fuzz Stonehenge or somethin’. Go check Facebook.

Me: *checks Facebook*

Facebook: You need to buy this:

Me: Um…

Facebook: And dye your hair this color:

Me: Er–

Facebook: And wear these:

Me: Uh, are you trying to tell me to dress like this:

FB: Nah. Wear these shoes:

Me: Wut.

FB: And glitter! Go sparkly!

Me: No.

FB: This then?

My friend (to whom I sent the ad for fun): HECK, YEAH! *orders them*

FB: Score! High-five!

Me: *face in palm*

FB: You look down. Let me console you. Lookie here.

Me: *looks up*

FB:I know you been lookin’ him up in your Googie searches recently. I give you a hero.

Ad: Seize the reins of your destiny with the new scent of Burberry Hero Eau de Toilette. Within it hides the courage, power and freedom of the modern man – a new hero.

FB: SEIZE THOSE REINS, WOMAN!

Me: *squints* Is that… bareback Kylo Ren riding bareback on a horse? *does close-up*

[Yep, it is.]

FB: Let him be your hero.

Me: That is really low. I can’t even get a boyfriend among the plebeians, much less from among celebrities.

FB: You will find love:

Prague: Here, Imma be helpful, too! Have a man with blue geometric balls.

FB: Let me help you dress to attract one.

Me: No. Stop–

FB: Behold the magnificence.

Me: …what is that hole doing there.

FB: Here’s another little something just for him, too:

Me: No.

My ex *in private chat, sends image below with the [translated] text: “When you’re a princess, but you live in an apartment building:”* :

Popis není dostupný.

Me: You’re not supposed to know me this well. *closes Facebook*

Brain: *at 2am* Write this sh*t down.

Me *does*

Anxiety *piping up again*: Your computer is going to go rabid like some insane super-villain and suck all the energy out of the grid and you’ll never be able to pay for it.

Thanks for reading the sh*t that goes through my mind! I know I joke about it, but sometimes the anxiety does get pretty bad, and, yes, I know the fears are mostly irrational, but they’re pretty persistent suckers (like the obsessive thoughts from my OCD that force me into the compulsive behaviors like turning the light on and off again a certain number of times or stepping over a particlar part of the sidewalk).

Anyway, my lovelies, I redid the blurb for Heiress of Magic and I MUST SHARE IT! [being an author, you know, I share this sh*t] Find it below, under the beautiful cover.

Haunted by loneliness, a shunned sorceress with bone-white hair is the only one holding up the Seventh Demesne walls that protect the city from the sharp-toothed enemies who dwell in the shadowlands.

That enemy is plotting to make all humankind fall, but the citizens of the city, rather than forming a united front, are torn asunder by a guildmaster who pulls their strings like puppets. He turns healer against mage, the powerless against those in power, and in that chaos, a young guild dancer trapped in a strange marriage desperately chronicles her memories every night before a shadow steals them away.

While passions twine and rages flare among the sorcerers and the sorceresses of the Seventh Demesne, their last hope – the shunned sorceress holding up the walls – becomes enmeshed in the scheme of a treacherous mage, one who offers her the one thing she cannot resist: love.

And the enemy watches. And waits.

Then he acts.

And the city is not prepared.

What do you think? Or should I not ask? Lol since I totally don’t want to redo it YET AGAIN!

If you’re curious about excerpts from it, click here. If you want to check it on retailers, this is your space. Next week, I’ve scheduled pictures from Prague.

As to bookish bits, here is my shamelessly copied weekly info: feel free to join the newsletter I haven’t been writing (but intend to), join the patreon I’ve been seriously neglecting (but want to resume), or check out my books I don’t want anyone to buy (for realz cuz it’s my old writing and I’m like nooo, don’t read it…) before I unpublish even more (like I unpublished my dystopians).

Be kind to each other, y’all.

Owner of two cats and huge dreams and author of any kind of love story so long as wild stuff is going on...

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Posted in Blog, My Life, Stories
One comment on “Seriously?
  1. Very colorful.
    Pseudo product placement done right son son

    M

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Sonya Lano

Sonya Lano

Owner of two cats and huge dreams and author of any kind of love story so long as wild stuff is going on...

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