Decades Ago, Two Girls were Too Smart…

Decades ago, two girls were too smart to pay attention in class, and instead of heeding their teachers, they would exchange journals in which they wrote stories together…

One girl would write characters who were brash and brassy and bold. Rescue? Bah! This girl’s characters spat on rescue! And stomped on those rescues for good measure. Stomped until they weren’t even someone’s bad idea.

The other girl wrote gentler heroines, ones who generally needed rescue.

Well, there came a time when the latter complained to the former: “Why are my heroines always so wimpy and yours always so strong?”

And, lo! Thus accused, I—the writer of the I-spit-on-rescue! characters—

Insert THIRTY YEARS AGO here! Back when I was only around 20, I…

—decided to write a story where my character always needed to be saved (all the kidnappings!) while her character was brash and brassy and bold—and opinionated. She wields all the opinions in her dagger sheaths!

The product of that was a light, fluffy, extremely facetious fairy tale (sound a little like Proud Princess anyone? At least parts 😉 ), and it became the first book I ever (self)published. Recently, my brain randomly decided to make a paperback version of it, and as I was going through it, passages I kept coming across kept making me laugh. Can you believe I was once happy enough to write something fun?

Here are a few bits that cracked me up –>

The chapter titles! Among others, especially the following:

Never Bargain with a Pirate Who Has Orts in His Whiskers

Never Overlook the Horse Especially When It’s Behind You

Never Think a Tidy Dragon Means It’s Any Less Hungry

Never Insult an Authority Who Can’t Even Doodle

I also went through the reviews and found more excerpts there. One guy even wrote “The book made me feel so much younger for some reason.” [If only it made us younger ;-)]

Here were quotes others liked:

“See? I’m not irritating at all. My horse finds me perfectly tolerable.”

“Embarrassment is against the very definition of a prince. It’s impossible for me to be anything but a sparkling gem in the world’s treasure chest.”
“You definitely need to be locked up in a box, but not because you’re pretty or precious.”
“I’m going to pretend you mean I’m too handsome to let out.”

“I am a prince of a man’s kingdom; he’s a prince of the animal kingdom.”
“Hmm, I fail to see the difference there.”

Here were some I liked:

Saige pummeled his back. “Let me down, you brute!”
“How can you call me a brute when I’m rail-thin?” he threw over his shoulder cheerfully, backtracking a few steps and allowing three men stuck in a battle-hug to catapult past. “I don’t have a single self-respecting muscle in my entire body!”

He glanced again at Nikaela’s silent friend, who was watching him unnervingly from under her long golden-blond hair. He wished he could somehow turn her off, because her unceasing stare was corroding his princely courage.

“The kiss of gratitude. I am, after all, effectively your knight in shining armor – just without the armor.”
“You’re delusional is what you are!”
“You can’t prove it!”

The king scowled. “Was she rescued by a prince?”
The messenger looked hunted. “By a man with a Go-Pick-Radishes stick.”
“Didn’t they stop selling those years ago?” the queen asked.
“Maybe it’s inherited?” the messenger suggested.
“No panache at all,” the king muttered. “Being rescued by a man with a stick! Whatever happened to good old swords?”

I also redid the cover to one of the drawings I did for it! –>

Of course, as an older, wiser woman (pfffff–‘wiser’), I feel that I wrote Nikaela to be a bit too violent, and she smacks people who should not be smacked. But apparently I thought ‘strong’ synonymous with ‘whack all detractors!’.

However, no actual princes were harmed in the writing of this book.

If you want to read more excerpts, you can check those out here! The ebook is here, and the paperback here.

I am still working on Proud Princess, I promise! And for funsies, here are some drawings I did for this thing (Don’t judge! I was barely 20 when I did them, and the whole story was only a gift for a friend, never meant for public viewing, so count yourselves lucky :-P):